HomeSatireLobbyist Prepare For Jesus’ Return

A leaked document from the CIA indicates that Jesus will be returning soon to check on us and see how things are going.

The document goes on to say: “We have no idea where Jesus is going to appear. We can only hope that it’s here in the USA so we can deal with him.”

Church leaders, the healthcare industry, the fast food industry and the wine industry are really concerned and have hired lobbyist to bribe Jesus to keep him healing the sick for free, making wine out of water, making churches obsolete, feeding thousands with only five loaves of bread and two fish, etc.

Concerned that Jesus will not accept a bribe the lobbyist have bribed enough politicians to pass a law, punishable by death, making it illegal for Jesus to heal the sick, feed the poor, turn water into wine and preach to the masses making churches obsolete.

As one church leader put it: “Jesus will empty our pews and decimate our cash flow and we can’t let that happen.”

A fast food industry spokesperson was furious and said: “We simply won’t allow anyone and that includes Jesus to turn two of our hamburgers into 5000 hamburgers.”

A billionaire healthcare insurance executive was quoted as saying: “Who in the Hell does Jesus think he is healing the sick for free.”

A spokesperson for the beer industry had this to say: “If Jesus can turn water into wine he’ll probably do the same thing with beer. That means free beer and there goes our business.”

A millionaire Wall Street broker threw up his hands and said: “There goes the economy.”

Reckon the politicians will be praying that the leaked CIA document has no merit at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C.?



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